bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
