i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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