Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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