At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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