Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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