You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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