Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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