Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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