but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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