Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just want nice things and good sex
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
