that's an acceptable place to lick
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
