woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
