I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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