Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
