I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
