You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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