It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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