How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
