The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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