The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
