Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
