the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize