it hurts more in the daytime
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
