dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
