I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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