I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
