is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
