i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
