He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
