be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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