For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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