Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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