Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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