Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
