Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
