I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
