Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
