help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
