Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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