Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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