in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
