If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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