she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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