Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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