I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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