oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So squirting runs in the family.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
