She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize