I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
