you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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