I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
