I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
