just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
