Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
