I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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