im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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