btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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