Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
