I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
