I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize