sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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