I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My penis needs a shock collar
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
