3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Me too!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
