U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
