i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
