Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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