My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
