I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
