And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
even my farts smell like vagina
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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