I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
