OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
