Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is wine microwaveable?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
