bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
