you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
