It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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